A quick grammar recap: pronouns are words we use to refer to people without using their name. “I” is a first person pronoun, “you” is a second person pronoun, and “he/him”, “she/her”, and “they/them” are third person pronouns.

“She/her” and “he/him” are gendered pronouns, meaning that they indicate the gender of the person who is being referred to. “They/them” is gender-neutral, and can be used to mean one or more people. The singular “they” dates back to the 14th century, according to everyone’s favorite encyclopedia, which is recent enough that it counts as the first neopronoun.

Various groups in the last hundred-plus years have tried to invent new gender-neutral pronouns, but the singular “they” is the only one that’s really stuck around and gained in popularity. Even the people who stridently declare that “they/them” is plural only (like good ol’ Richard “please have sex with my corpse” Stallman) have probably unthinkingly used the singular they in everyday conversation, simply due to its convenience.

One of the most powerful aspects of the internet is its ability to bring together people with niche interests and beliefs, who would otherwise never be able to meet. Pronoun creation is no different, and now we have communities who are proposing not just one new pronoun, but many. This time they’re not made-up words like “xe/hir”, they’re just… nouns. Regular ol’ nouns, used as pronouns. For example, “pri/prin/prins/princeself”.

My gut reaction is that it’s weird and it’s dumb, but some people seem to really put a lot of stock in neopronouns. For example, this redditor who seems genuinely disappointed no one will address them as “they/ghost” (they also say that their gender identity is “GenderGhost.”)

I started thinking about what I would do if someone in real life (or heck, even online) asked me directly to use their neopronoun. I’m a Nice Guy™ and don’t like offending people, but I still think neopronouns are weird and dumb.

I do think neopronouns are a good conversation starter about regular pronouns: like, why do we have gendered pronouns at all? Do they have extra meaning in our culture? Do we even need them? Should we use gender-neutral pronouns for everyone?

Also, who are pronouns for? The person being talked about, or the person being talked to? In a one-on-one conversation with someone, you will never use anything other than the second person “you.” So in most situations, the only time you’ll use someone’s third person pronouns is when they’re not even present for the conversation.

I should mention that I think all debate around neopronouns is a tempest in a teakettle. Neopronoun users are mostly confined to insular online communities, and their social norms will not, I believe, spread out to the general population.

But if someone did ask me to use their neopronouns, I think two things are true:

One, they are perfectly within their rights to make that request. I strongly encourage people (especially myself, because I’m not good at doing this) to feel free to ask people for things. Whatever the thing is, just ask. In most situations, the worst that can happen is they say no.

In this case, I would say, respectfully, no. I see someone asking me to use a neopronoun the same as someone asking me to call them “sir.” I don’t mind that they asked, but I’m not doing it, because I think it’s weird and dumb and that social norms do not require me to acquiesce to the request.

On a related note, I see neopronouns as logically equivalent to the singular they, and I don’t understand why people don’t just use that. If you identify as neither man or woman, you are by definition nonbinary, and if you don’t like gendered pronouns then by definition the gender-neutral they should suffice.

Of course I realize that this brings up the question of “what is gender” and the validity of modern genders, which is a post for another time.

P.S. If you’re reading this in 2050 and I’m running for president and every other person uses neopronouns, I’d like to apologize in advance. Please don’t let my past foolishness keep you from voting me into office.

P.P.S I realize that the description “weird and dumb” is antagonistic, and not something you should say directly to someone. That violates the social norms of politeness. Nor do I think that a person themselves is “dumb” for using neopronouns, or that the word “dumb” really has any meaning. I ran into a former classmate who told me she thought COVID was some form of population control. I know she’s not dumb, yet she nevertheless had a dumb idea, and that’s perfectly normal. I’m sure I have many dumb notions that it’ll take me a few years yet to realize as such. Oh, and being weird is totes fine, I’m a super weirdo.